Monday, January 23, 2012



Good morning, my beautiful black people... Although, I don't feel very good this morning. I know some of y' all may think this is kewl and out of sight but if you've been suffering with epileptic seizures for the last ten years like I have, perhaps your views maybe different. Last night, was one of the worst wood nights I've ever had. It's the first time I caught an seizure attack while sucking someone's dick. Oh god, I feel so bad. After, I've came out of the seizure. I can see my teeth marks wedged deep onto his penis with scrapes of blood that I may have caused. How can I report this to my doctor. I'm required to report every seizure attack that I have and inform my doctor of them. I can't worry about that now. I need to make sure if my baby is alright.

I'm not having any luck reaching out to him. I suppose, I should not be as upset. Let's say if the shoe were on the other foot I wouldn't talk to myself neither. Jerry, I can't apologize enough. I apologize for my negligence for this past Saturday night. It's just, I was so intrigued and deep throat by our lil' oral sensation. I totally ignored the aura that usually alerts me, whenever a seizure is on its way. Because of my carelessness I nearly, damaged your testicles. I'm sorry about the E.R. thing, I didn't want to go to the hospital. I was trying to spear myself the embarrassment. I could read the headlines: "Gay man with epilepsy caught a seizure attack while giving fellatio".

I know, I was selfish I just hope you can forgive me after all it was an accident. If you don't wan't anything to do with me anymore that is fine. I just want your forgiveness, baby.



"This is for the youth to grow take your time young one your only ten years old" ..... Timbo King

I remember that same line, 5 months back in August. When I met Timbo King at the Rocksmith Store. Thank you, Timbo.

I woke up this morning, I had no plans of blogging. Hearing that line though, "This is for the youth to grow take your time young one your only ten years old." I've been feeling like an ten year old this week. The extreme outburst and temper tantrums I had towards my mom this past Tuesday over the lost of my job. I do not want to go into details because it pains my head everytime I think about what happened.

I have a lot of problems aside from not being able to control my seizures. My temper tantrums is something long before, my seizures ever took occurred. I've always been an angry child, full of rage. I tried hard to keep it hidden but it'll burst right out at any given time when triggered. It's sort of similar to my seizure disorder. The only difference, anger can actually be managed and controlled. Seizures are yet to be determined.

Anyway, I did not want to create this blog to discuss my medical forum. I wanted to have a discussion about my day. I could hear my viewers now, "oh blah, blah, blah, whamp, whamp, whamp. It's okay, I know it may seem egotistical of myself. You're welcome to view it. If you're uncomfortable you can sit this one out until my next issue. It's just I had a rather unique day and who better to share it with, other than the people I love.

It started this morning, when I first woke up with a smile on this face. The smile of teenage love, yeah that's right for the past two days I've been kicking it with my California Love, Junior. Who happens to be a teenager in love with me and a Californian. Neither one of course matters, as long as he knows how to treat another man, everything will be okay.

Once I got myself out of bed. Now this isn't something I normally do. I was in the mood for some bang your music. I wanted to hear, my boo Young Jeezy's new album "TM 103: Hustlerz Ambitionz." But, first I set it off with Mobb Deep's "Black Cocaine EP", heyyyy hoooo.... You know, I got to get my homothug, on first.

I'm all up in my bedroom doors closed. My mom in the living room. One of my aunts came over and I didn't realize, she did. You think that's gonna stop me from partying. My only downfall is I wish there were some guys in my room partying with me. Once my lil' private party came to an end. I got dressed and went outside strolling the ghettos of East Flatbush. I had no idea, where I was going. I know it wasn't to meet guys. Besides out here, these wannabe straights want to keep up that phony image. I don't have time for frauds.

I stopped by an Mc Donalds, around 3:25pm on the Flatbush Junction. I have no reason, I wasn't planning on eating there. I just wanted a place to go and sit down. The only thing not sure if that was an good idea. I walked inside Mc Donalds and I said to myself, "Is this Mc Donalds or my old high school cafeteria?" I'm walking into a room of snotty teenagers, bratty teenagers, wannabe rudeboys and girls. It's so loud in here, I couldn't hear myself think. I manage to find seating in the corner away from these misfits and rapscallions. I didn't pay them any mind, it was just me and my new love interests, Carl Jones. We're texting, back and forth on facebook. Carl Jones, is someone I met earlier on facebook. He seem to have taken my heart. I wouldn't blame him, he's sweet if only you can read our back and forth love tags.

Everything is going great between us. While we're having our love tag session, out of nowhere I get caught in the middle of a police officer manhandling a young African-American male. According to the officer, he's been on the suspect list since yesterday. Supposedly the suspect mugged an old lady, the day before. I do not know, how true the police officer story is. Mugging an older/ elderly person is cruel. Normally I wouldn't agree with the treatment the police officer is laying onto the suspect in order to apprehend him but in this case I'll rule in favor of the police officer.

Race has no color when you do harm to a old woman. In this particular instinct it happens to be a black police officer. Now, If the police officer were white then everybody can get all "Malcolm X" but still take under consideration that the assailant assaulted an elderly person. As I mentioned, taking down someone that is elderly or weaker than you is cruel punishment.

I don't normally sit inside this particular, Mc Donalds at these times. Well, not since 1987-1990 my Junior high school years. I remember, how bad coming to Mc Donalds and the Flatbush Junction were. I should know, I've been here before with my generation. Now, I'm here today 25 years later. Good to see nothing have changed. Nothing will ever change as long as that torch is lit. It's going to continue to be passed down from generation to generation until someone finally extinguishes it.

I hope its soon too. I don't know, how many more of these Mc Donalds brawls will the manager take. I can't even give you full details on what just happened. What look like a lunchroom brawl with a bunch of dirty teenagers with their pants hangin' off their ass. As I steer, at these dirty rotten scoundrels run out Mc Donalds from the police and the d. t's. I can only say, one thing. It's the one thing I always say when my people disappoint me, "Dam You Can't Go Nowhere With Black People!" And, to think I used to be one of them that's why someone needs to, "EXTINGUISH THE TORCH!"

Saturday, January 21, 2012



No, my ass only gets jealous when someone's cock been in my mouth for too long.... Sometimes I forget about equal opportunity fucking.



Oh God, my body is sore from the New York City snow. The things us ladies will do for money... I thought about spreading my legs but then figure its time for a change. Now my whole body is sore. I could really use some male companionship to ignite a massage. My first day in the snow with Sanitation, surrounded by a bunch of smelly, sweaty, and bulky Italian men... It would be considered a dream come true if this were the Bahamas.



I like being a bottom. I don't care about my dick. I care about other guy'z dicks. As long as they pokin' me. I love to git poked.

True Words from a Total Bottom



I like guys more than I like girls....
I could be with girls but its more like I go through the motions and can not wait until its over.... But when I'm with a guy its more like I'm actually here.

Friday, January 20, 2012



"The Diary Of An Angry Man-Bitch" by Jason Lamar
Good morning, beautiful black people of my life. I've been M.I.A. a bit. I haven't been feelin' gay that much lately. Can I ask you, all a question? I know, we're gay and everything. Gay meaning happy but there are times when I'm not happy. In fact as of last week until today, this is the first time I've been in a 7 day bad mood.

It all started from last thursday, when I had a seizure on the L train and someone stole my ipad and digital camera while I was under my seizure complications. Since then my world been turned upside down. I hate when God does this to me. He always do this, make my year start off horrible then get better as the year goes on. I say, enough is enough. I want to break this cycle. It's gettin' to be an annoying and regular New Year's prediction. This is why I been so pissed off for the last 7 days.

Seven days, I've never been upset for a whole week. I know we're supposed to be gay, happy and jittery but there got to be times when we can feel like we've want to punch someone in the face. That is how, I've been feeling. This whole week I haven't been my usual female like self, I transformed back into a dude. All I been wanting to do this week was just tear someone or something apart. When I get angry I could be a real, BITCH it'll take a lot to subdue me. Yeah, I' am full of love but don't cross me that's an dangerous path to cross.

Sometimes we say things, we don't really mean. I was so heartbroken for what happen to me on the train which caused the lost/theft of my ipad and digital camera. I cursed, The Father and The Son, I know it wasn't called for. I know they're not to blame. When your angry you need someone to blame. It always seems that God is the logical choice.

On tuesday, my mom and I had one of the heatest arguments ever. I been placed on an involuntary leave because of my sickness. The year ended this past tuesday (January 17, 2012). I received a letter in the mail prior stating I've been terminated. My union representative and my mom jumping all over me as if its my fault, knowing I could care less about that crummy job. I smashed one of my mother's chinas and we haven't spoken within the last 2 days.

I told ya, be careful when you cross that line. Cuz if I can blow up on my own mother. What make you think I won't do it to you.


Put smiles all over my face, how often do a person smile after receiving his walking papers, today in the mail... I been on involuntary leave for a whole year due to my illness. I've been strugglin' and complainin' about not having my job. This coming, Tues. (January 17, 2012) was supposed to be my return to work. They denied my return, I could not be anymore happier. Sure I no longer have a job but I NO LONGER HAVE THIS PARTICULAR JOB!!!

After, 15 and a half years there comes that time in a person's life when they need to say, "What's Next?"


That was not supposed too happen, lord how can you let this happen to me, last night. You fuckin' with my dj career again... you know I don't like anyone that fucks with Dj Handspin, say all you want about Jason L. Wright but when you start fuckin' with Dj Handspin, it's over. It's fucking over. FUCK YOU JESUS!, FUCK YOU GOD! Savior my ass go to hell with your former angel, Lucifer... I'm sorry if this may sound harsh but you must take it from a frustrated and fed up niggaz heart. It seems like everytime I try to make a step forward towards good, something or someone haves that power to pull me back down. Jesus, I'm fucking 36 years old. I'm still living with my mama. I have no job because of this chronic illness, now its fucking up a niggaz chance at getting his career back on track.

You know, what I'm tired. I'm tired of talking, I'm tired of praying, I'm tired of worshiping and most importantly God, I'm fucking tired of you. You could strike me down if you want that would of been a hell of a lot easier than having me deal with this intense drama for the past 10 years. I give up, I don't know, who to trust especially if I can't trust my own lord and savior.

Sincerely, Jason Lamar

Thursday, January 12, 2012



Why isn't that an interesting way to call it, "open mind mic". An event stored with essential craftmanship on deck.

Live at the Brooklyn Terrace, hosted by Ms Leah Beahbout it feels weird being here. I received an facebook invite by Ms Leah Beahbout. We went from physical friends to viral friends. There are some history between Leahbout and myself. We go back, at least 14 years. It started with my homie, Qzr. I will not get too in depth with our history. Afterall, you didn't come out here to hear a history lesson between Leah and I. All I'm going to say, I knew LB that was the entertainment identification, she chose. It's basically, an abbreviation to her name. LB is an talented singer, songwriter, lyricist and performer. Her form of music fit in well with my homie, Qzr's production. I introduce the two to create a beautiful musical connection. They're project never move forward. Reason will remain disclosed.

Okay, enough history lessons. I'am here tonight. I was invited to tonight's event at the Brooklyn Terrace. This is my first time in attendance at this remote establishment. I'm enjoying the ambiance and the vision. I say that with such an honor and respect but you know, with great establishments comes great accommodations. How often do we get to be escorted to the rooftop, where the party is taken place by a handsome brother operating the elevator.

This building has a certain elegance to it. You know, there's something about this 25 story building, 26 if you count the rooftop. This is an great architecture invention. I'm standing in a building that has an coffee shop downstairs. This look like your average office building. But, how many office buildings you all know has a lounge/ nightclub/ motel environment setting on the rooftop floor. I don't know, it just depicts more than your regular New York office building.

Enough of my infactuation. As I walked into a room of females and less dudes. Now you know this is a poetry reading of sorts. Poetry readings, the complete opposites to New York Cities Independent Hip Hop Shows. Normally you'll have more dudes than females but in this cases. I smell the stench of lesbianism in the air that's okay, there still my sistas.

Dj Storm on the one and two's doing her thang... It was nice seeing a female dj. It's been a moment since I've seen a female dj go to work. Dj Storm providing the goodies of hip hop treats, classic jams like "Eric B & Rakim's Paid In Full", "De La Soul's Me Myself and I", "Tha Pharcyde's Passin' By", "A Tribe Called Quest's Scenario" there were other high tech golden era classic to shake the dancefloor, as usual. My personal favorite and probably the gayest record, I could ever like but still do till this day, "Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam I Wonder If I Take You Home". I was never a Lisa Lisa fan just a fan of that particular record. I always enjoyed listening to it, singing it, dancing to it. Yeah, that's right I said dancing. Dj Handspin knows how to shake what his mamma gave him too.

My original plan wasn't to stay out here this long. I only wanted to kick it with Leah for a short amount of time. I needed to be home.

As I lay back on these well cushioned interior continuing my blogging. I feel a sudden vibration on my rear end. In my mind, I'm screaming to myself as if I'm screaming out loud "IT'S HIM!", "IT'S HIM!". I've been expecting a call from a recent gentlemen caller who I've grown rather fond of. Dj Storm on the cut, ironically spinning Tony Toni Tone "It Feels Good". Thank you, Dj Storm it did feel good and thank you, Kay Kay for causing it to feel good.

As the event begins to get underway. I would like to let everyone know that this happens every month, once a month at the Brooklyn Terrace. Each month its a dedication of a significant artists with great resilience. Tonight's tribute is to honor singer/ songstress Lauryn Hill.

I enjoyed tonight's poetry event. I would like to thank, Miss Beahbout for her invitation and also congratulate her on becoming an Aunt, yesterday morning. Her sister gave birth, so congratulations to Leah Beahbout on that as well.

My only downfall of tonight is, I wish my boo was hear. I recently met this guy. A very sexy, intelligent, handsome, artistic, poetic man named Khalil. Who's voice is so... Oh lord it just make me tingle all over my body and his poems are just to die for. He kind of remind me of, Nas. My baby likes to refer to himself as an walking contradiction. The same way, Nas always referred of himself. You know what else, my boo has similar to Nas. He's also a "poet who uses his art for design". Even though we live in separate states. I want him to know, how much I feel about him since I've met him. It's only a matter of time until the day we finally meet. Till then, I'am leaving this party and heading home so I can call my baby tonight and hear more than just his lovely voice.

CEO: Jason "Dj Handspin Dinero" Lamar
Rusty Jabbz Entertainment Group
Office: 1347789-4543
Office: 1347902-5355
Cellular: 1646339-4981

Monday, January 2, 2012



Happy New Year, Rusty Jabbz.... It's cold out here, not what I've expected. Actually its never a surprise, the 2nd day of the year. In our past history, New York Winter Wars it seems very common for January 2nd, always being the coldest day after New Years. I will survive and so will the other fellow, New Yorkers who face this horrific winter torture, annually. I'am no meteorologist. I didn't come out here to broadcast today's forecast. My first line of duty of the New Year and its already looking rosey. I finally, found an opportunity to meet one of my best facebook friends. Actually, she was originally my twitter friend before she became my facebook friend. We've been connected as friends in the viral world for the past 2.5 years.

This weekend was something special between the both of us. She took it upon herself to make a surprise visit from California to New York City for the New Years Weekend Celebration. Indeed it was a bit of a spur of the moment once I received her phone call, this past Saturday morning from her about arriving. She arrived Friday with only a three day stay on her plate. When can I find the time to meet her.

Hence, today 29 degree weather. Sitting on the train on my way to Harlem that is where she is staying. She found a lovely hotel in the heart of Uptown, 1-2-5 and Frederick Douglas area. She has been in the companionship of one of her friends during her stay.

Ashanti, I apologize to you for not being able to reach out to you once you delivered the information of your arrival. I really wanted to make it happen, either on Saturday or Sunday to hang out with you before you leave. I'am grateful to the lord and to you for allowing us to get a chance this afternoon.

Okay, not right now. This is not funny Jesus, really a seizure. Now is not the time for me to be catching a seizure. You really have a knack for perfect timing(sarcasm).
I have no idea, what occurred I'm on the train in the middle of typing and next thing I know I feel that aura I normally get that tells me when a seizure is coming through. I'm knocked out on the train for the rest of the ride into Harlem, missing my stop at 125th St. I get off at the next stop, 135th St. and walk it back from 135th St. down Frederick Douglas Blvd. to 125th St.

Once I reached my final destination, The Loft. A smashing hotel, I'm not going to say new because I have no idea of the hotel's landmark status. I did, alert Ashanti that I arrived and I'm in the lobby. She told me, to give her a few minutes. So there in the lobby I sat waiting. Once, Ashanti came down I was so happy to meet her. She came along with her roommate and good friend, Sarah. Whom she had been staying with for this past weekend. Sarah did leave, Ashanti and I alone so we can finally connect face to face. It's that moment I've been waiting for. I can't speak for Ashanti but it was something real to me. Even if our meeting was only 20 minutes. Those 20 minutes were worth it.

It is ashame, today being her last day in town. She has a 3:30pm flight back to California. However, next time she promises a more thought out plan in her travels back to the Rotten Apple. Ashanti, next time when you do visit. I'll try to have a clean plate but you can never tell with these things in either, New York or dealin' with Rusty Jabbz Ent. In the meantime, have a safe flight back to California. Have a wonderful, 2012 and beyond.

My California love seems to be increasing very well. I would like to wish a, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to my cousin, Sonya who recently moved to San Diego about a month and a half ago. Sonya, congratulations to both you and your husband on landing a new life on a new coast. All the best to the both of you from your cousin, Jason Lamar!

CEO: Jason "Dj Handspin Dinero" Lamar
Rusty Jabbz Entertainment Group
Office: 1347789-4543
Cellular: 1646339-4981